Your Dating TalesTALES FROM THE DATING CRYPT…Crazy tales & advice in these crazy times!

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Yes, it’s been some time since my last post…

I was out of town for 2 weeks and that’s all it took!

Why do the wrong guys ALWAYS come back around?  (On the subject of coming back around, Derrick’s post was soooo timely).

Two lame-a** boys of dating past were trying desperately to get in touch with me.

If you want to know who I’m talking about, refer to previous posts:

http://www.yourdatingtales.com/2009/03/29/please-spare-all-the-details-2/

http://www.yourdatingtales.com/2009/03/29/commitment-and-san-francisco-are-like-oil-and-water-2/

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A married man and a serial-online-dating-liar. WTF?

The married guy left two messages on my voice mail wanting to get together for lunch.  He also sent me an email wanting to know “what happened” to me.   First of all, I hadn’t been in touch with that guy since he told me he was married.  I didn’t want anything to do with him after that.  On top of that, he’s weird, not so good looking (think of a brown Humpty-Dumpty), and he’s got kids.  That’s just f-d up that he’s calling me.

The serial-online-dating-liar had the balls to send me a text saying “Hello, who is this?”  Then he turned around and call me right away.  His message was something like,  “Oh hey, I just wanted to say hi and see how you were doing.  Maybe I’ll be in the city sometime…”  Oh please.  Was he trying to set himself up for some nookie?  Well not from me, that’s for sure.  I told him off a LONG time ago so he really must have no self-respect.

Needless to say, I haven’t returned either of their calls.

Do guys have no shame? WHY would a lame-ass guy who has no business even breathing air try to contact me?

Maybe it was just coincidence that I wasn’t around.  Or maybe it was a blessing.

With the news of David Carradine’s death, I was saddened.  But then when I learned how he died, I was baffled.  A rope around his neck.  OK.  THEN a rope around his penis?  Oh my!

What’s up with the freaky stuff people are into?

Remember the guy from INXS years ago?  I was too young at the time to realize that he was into this same thing.

I’m totally behind so I just had to look it up…

It’s called erotic asphyxiation.  The rope tied around the neck is used to cut off the oxygen supply and stimulate sexual arousal.  The practice has been around for hundreds of years.

Here is the quote from Wiki: The idea for this most likely came from subjects who were executed by hanging. Observers at public hangings noted male victims developed an erection, sometimes remaining after death (death erection), and occasionally ejaculated when being hanged.   Various methods are used to achieve the level of oxygen depletion needed, such as a hanging, suffocation with a plastic bag over the head, self-strangulation such as with a ligature, gas or volatile solvents, chest compression, or some combination of these.

A little weird, a lot dangerous, and seriously SCARY!

Now the other part.

I have NO idea why a man would tie a rope around the penis. WTF????  Wouldn’t that hurt?

Can’t find anything on that one.  I’ll let you know when I do…

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The big dilemma in life:  which condoms do I use?

I was in deep conversation again with my crazy SF Friends, Chilli V from FiDi and Nick from Laguna Beach.  Remember them?

Ribbed condoms:  Do they work? My vote was “no.”

Nick’s vote:  “Whatever.  Ribbed for her pleasure.  Inside-out for MY pleasure.”

WHAT???

Chilli V happens to keep a stash full of ALL sizes.  Even magnums? Yes, even magnums. There is a small chance!   Smart lady.

I can’t say I’ve had that much variety in size, personally.  I use the “one size usually fits all” approach.  So that’s what I have.

Here is what we all agreed….If the guy is a total dick and you want to teach him a lesson, here’s what you do:  When things get hot and heavy, hand him a MAGNUM condom and say, “Here, put this on.” Unless you’re with a player from the NFL, NBA, or Mandingo himself, chances are it will be too big.

Just watch his reaction.

If you really want to be a bee-oych, say something like “Oh, but that’s all I have from my ex boyfriend.”

HA HA HA.

Then he’ll go limp and leave.