Reading Between The Lines GONE WRONG!

Posted on : 24-09-2009 | By : Single in SF City | In : LOL!, Never Again!, There is no category for this one..., Tips, WTF?!

A couple of weeks back, I attended a really fun networking event; Cuban Music at the Museum of African Diasphora.  How could anything be wrong with that?
Read below…Pasted from my Gmail.  Names are changed for obvious reasons.
My comments are in red. Have fun!
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Hi A,
This is P.
It’s been kind of an adventure meeting you – even though we have had only very limited contact.
I think you might be interested in this little tale even if nothing else happens between us.  (So far, decent start.)
On one level I know I am flirting with you here and being fun, but on another level I am quite serious.

Here goes.
I have to admit being quite impressed with you upon our meeting at the Cuban music MOAD event.  You seemed so familiar and warm, and on top of personifying “my ideal” of a beautiful woman, you displayed an openness and friendliness that I usually only experience in Cuba.  (Nice start.  Very nice compliments; nothing too sticky). This a rare quality. Most beautiful women are so guarded and coy. Plus (from my point of view) we had serious chemistry, good conversation, and a mutual love for black culture.  (LOL, Serious chemistry?  Um, he was stuck to me like white on rice at the event!  The worst part of it was that he BLOCKED me from meeting cute guys.)
When you asked for my number, it felt kind of special.  (HA HA.  It’s called NETWORKING.  He should have been doing the same.)
For me exchanging numbers with a woman means there is mutual romantic interest. Upon parting you talked about meeting me at another cultural event I was doing on Saturday. Did I read the signals right? On reflection, maybe not. (Good thing he reflected.  I probably exchanged numbers with 5 other people that night.  It was a cultural/networking event.  Romantic interests?  What era was he living?)
Back home now.  The only thing a little strange about all this was: how come this beautiful, personable, vivacious woman is so into these Meetup.com groups?  Aren’t these groups largely for lonely singles to get together ? (Hello, it’s called networking / meeting new people /  enjoying new things / living in San Francisco!).

I am going to look for you online.  (WHAT?)

Typing (MY NAME) ……boom……  Yourdatingtales.com > DARK TALES FROM THE DATING CRYPT.  What do we have here…..  Its “Sex in the City” online!  What fun !  I think I will read everything.
(OMG, he GOOGLED ME?!  Maybe that’s what men do these days, but NOW HE LOOKS LIKE A DESPERATE PSYCHO!)
What I discovered.
1. you are a fantastic writer…. funny, witty, perceptive
2. you are an unabashed dating and relationship maven
3. you are a chemist, a devoted vegetarian and yogini, 31, nine years in SF, originally from NY.  (I am originally from NY myself)
4. you experience the dating scene as very bizarre, crazy, and weird, as described in your stories (you date some real winners)
5. you are an “old school” girl who wants to be courted in the best way, by a true gentleman.
6. you have a good idea of what you want in a man: loyal, financially secure, listens, takes charge, calls, has good breath, sexy……
7. we share many values about what is a important between men and women (more later).
(I’m glad he got the values right.)
What I thought after reading all your dark tales.

I’ll start my own blog: Bizarre Tales From Dating “The Dating Maven – (My name)” !!!  (this email will be my first post even though we have not officially dated !!! ).  (PUHLEEZE.  Starting a blog on my posts?)

But seriously I had all these thoughts and doubts: This kinda spoils things between us.  It’s like I have read your personal diary.  I know so much about what you are expecting from a guy. How can I be truly authentic with you now.
Do I tell you I discovered your blog?  (YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE).
Do I really want to date a dating maven?  (NO.  You’d get CRUSHED).
You must date a lot of guys. (Actually, I don’t.  A lot of these are past stories and those from friends.  The combination of experiences make for one big diary.)
Just like on “Sex in the City” And finally: will I someday become a post on your blog? (Ummmmm, he’s given me some good material!)
You get the idea……
My next move.
Ditch all the doubts and get with the Dating Crypt Program.
Dating Crypt Rule #1 “When You Get Her Phone Number, You Call”
So on Friday morning I call you at XXX-XX50.  I leave a message, basically saying: “Great to meet you, lets get together on Sat., give me a call”. (NEWSFLASH:  I never received a message from him.  If he had called, he certainly didn’t leave any messages.  My rule should have read “When you get her phone number, call her and LEAVE A MESSAGE.)
Saturday morning.
No phone reply from you (also wondering was that the correct phone number I dialed?), so I email and say “Hope to see you at the BayView Opera House”. (I did receive that email later in the day.)

Saturday at BayView Opera House.
The African Festival that I thought was going to be so great is really a sorry scene. Very little public, unorganized, funky. I don’t want to stay. I call you in case you might be coming, but this time I dial XXX-XX50 (on first try the 5 looked like an 8) and get your voice message.
I realize the first call never got to you. (OK, I knew I didn’t get a call from him). I don’t leave a message because I know I have seriously blown it on the Dating Crypt Rule #2  “No Plan – No Play”.  (That’s RIGHT!)

I wait around at the festival and finally the Cuban Band (that I helped to get this gig) arrives.  I hang out listening to them perform for the 10 people in the audience, thinking maybe you might bend her rule today for me…. but as you very well know, no such luck.  But really, I am so glad that festival was not our first date. (Date?  IF I had shown up, it would NOT have been a date by any means).

Its Sunday…..Now what? (Give UP, that’s what).

All this dating non-action is getting me dazed and confused.  It’s time to consult with “my” relationship maven-guru David Deida,  to review his advice and take some action.(What world is he living?  This isn’t even CLOSE to dating!)

(I am going into serious mode here now.)
Favorite Deida quote: “The feminine is the force of life. The more masculine a man is, the more his woman’s feminine energy will be important to him”(I agree with that).

Deida, in several of his books most notably “The Way of the Superior Man” describes very clearly and poetically a vision of male-female relations that is in tune with my own World view.
“The feminine is like the ocean, flowing with great power and no single direction, ever changing, beautiful, destructive, and the source of life. The masculine is like a ship that unites with the power of the ocean, decides on a coarse and navigates toward a single goal. The same principal applies to problems of intimacy.”  You can read more at:
Many of his gems of practical wisdom are chapter titles here:
I am bringing all this up because I think from reading your blog you are saying a lot of the same things Deida is saying: “men take charge, have a plan” “honor her with loyalty and security”  “ravish her with love.” I also hear through all your great humor, your real frustration about the dating scene. (OK, he’s gone way overboard with the research.  This is ridiculous.  All of these research and quotes and he never even had the game to call me).
What I admire about your writing is you are totally on the right track by wanting to return to some of the “old school” rituals of courtship. Deida is the only voice that I have found who is addressing issues like this that makes sense to me. Now rereading his stuff has helped me know how to act right now by deciding to write this letter and letting it all go.  (P.S. In real life, I hear Deida is no saint) (Great, I’ll look him up one day.)
Today, I choose to tell you all as a way to introduce myself, flirt, and create something something fun and meaningful out of this experience. (He really should be doing this over dinner.)
Now we have a lot we could talk about, or not. I am curious. Have you had other experiences where men you were dating know or find out about your dating blog?  (Nope.  Just my friends.)
Do you want your dates to read your blog? (Not the way he did.)
So many questions for the dating maven. (Where is this freaking “Dating maven” title coming from?  Everyone goes out, has fun, and I just happen to share stories with people and write about it.  Nuff said!)
But for all of us, and I think you would agree,  the dating lesson to be learned from all this:  Watch out – googleing your prospective dates is tricky business. (Tricky?  Nothing tricky about a google search.  Doing the desperate search when you don’t even know her, then turning around and telling her about it in some long drawn-out email when you couldn’t even call her on the phone…Now that’s WEIRD).
I now, “Submit My Tale” to you.
Hope hear from you.
P
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Pump Your Brakes At The Door! (A Post from San Francisco’s KReem)

Posted on : 09-07-2009 | By : Single in SF City | In : WTF?!

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Date story:
I’m not so sure if I should be sharing my business like this but maybe there is a lesson to be learned some where in all of this.

A while back I took out a friend that is kind of special to me. We never really dated or dialed the booty call number or the FWB thang but we did have that sexual tension and bragging about who would put it on who… As a Scorpio I have my little skills and talents that goes unmatched by others plus my ego to match helps as well. I try not to boast and brag to much or push a situation to a level where I’m not willing to commit to the following actions.

So one night I take my lady friend to a party that my peoples are throwing not as my date but as a friend with other friends. Of course we are dancing, drinking, flirting and everything else. Plus lining up work for after the party or another time. (should I define work? or will everyone get what I mean?) Because she is not the only one I’m flirting with and I know she’s flirting with the other guys in the party.  I continue making my moves shaking hands with all the right people and narrowing down the potential work for the night.

This bad Korean girl and I mean BAD! She was ready too and her friend too. I’m not sure if it would have went down that way but I’ll never know. After the party was just about over I was in a position where I had to drop off my car poolies. Damn but I’m not a ass so I talked with Korean girl to arrange the meet for when I dropped everyone off.

Now old girl that is supposed to be friend is all touchy feely in the back sit while my man rides in the front. Pulling on my ears, rubbing on my neck and once she in the front seat to be dropped of next her hand are all up and down the kid’s thighs in the crotch and everythang. We pull up to here place and we make out something heavy and I’m losing track of time.  My Korean lady is calling and just when I think its over and about to get to moving on she dives in like she’s about to blow the kids dome up and I’m ready for it!   But wait she just opens up my pants then lets her seat back strips off her stretchy pants and goes in on herself!

I mean full blown masturbation.

In my mind I know I got to get this into the house and I do and we are back to making out in the door to the living room couch. I got the key at the pearly gates of Venus trying to make the key fit.  I find the right keyhole and the key is just about no the key is in not all the way but enough! With a deep gasp ole girls sobers up, wakes up, or catches wind of whats about to happen and digs her nails into the back of my neck and says “No Reem you can’t be fuckin me; not like this” WTF! I’m in you! Now is not time to be saying no! I’m in you; not all the way but still in you can I finish?

Well I didn’t say anything like that but I thought it as she went into a emotional spill about whatever. I understand NO and even being intoxicated but I don’t think anyone is ever so intoxicated that they would just masterbate in the front seat of the drivers car then non verbally invite them into the house for more foreplay, let the guy get you undressed and ready to fuck…

Please if its not your intention to go all the way that night or any night please pump your breaks at the car door or the house door! I’m a good dude and take pride in that but WTF if I was just some asshole this could have ended badly! This shit wasn’t even really a date it was some shit that happened. Kind of like Biggie “I got a story to tell”

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Does Gay Marriage Freak You Out?

Posted on : 02-06-2009 | By : Single in SF City | In : There is no category for this one..., WTF?!

cgon82l

OK, this isn’t directly related to dating…

Or maybe it is.

I once dated a guy who was “afraid” to walk around with me in the the Castro district of San Francisco because he didn’t want to be approached by a gay guy.  GIMME A FREAKING BREAK!  He was a homo-phobe and you better believe I dropped his a** real quick!

Likewise, if a guy I meet voted “yes” on Prop 8–that means he has a problem with gay marriage–then he’s out the door, I’m sorry.

In fact, that will now be one of the first questions I ask a guy when I meet him! (Stay tuned for the list of telling questions I ALWAYS ask a guy.)

Why do straight people get so freaked out?  What’s the problem?

I can understand if gay rights impose on everyone else’s rights.  But they don’t.

Oh wait, but they can have a Civil Union….which is passively-aggressively saying that gay people are entitled to “less than” everyone else who has the right to marry.

Ridiculous.

And even if gays did obtain the right to marry, it’s not like they’d be taking anything away from straight people.

Conservatives, don’t even breath this liberal airspace!

marriage

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If he don’t give you Saturday night, he ain’t that into you!

Posted on : 23-04-2009 | By : Single in SF City | In : Tips, WHOOP WHOOP!

It’s a rough lesson but it’s true!

Ever dated a guy that didn’t place you in the primetime slot?…

Ever thought about why????

It’s a lesson that goes way back…

About five years ago, I’d met this doctor through an online dating service.  After we’d done the whole e-mailing bit, he’d called me to set up dinner for Thursday night.  Off to a good start ;)

The night we met up for dinner was fabulous.  We were getting along great.  He even paid me a follow-up call the next day to make plans for the next weekend.   Those plans ended up being a movie on a Friday night.  By that point, I totally thought I’d scored!  A doctor?  Friday night?  WHOOP WHOOP!

The Friday night date was fun, but after that date, he never tried to put any moves on me.  No kiss, nothing.  I couldn’t help but wonder why he was holding back because we seemed to be getting along so well.

But oK, fine.  Friday night date….I was moving up the ladder.

The next time he’d asked me out was for a Sunday afternoon semi-formal jazz concert in the city.  I remember thinking…”Wow, he’s asking me out to a more formal event…I’m totally in with this guy”.

Once again, we had a lovely time on the date.

Afterwards, he ended the night with a hug.  WTF?  Was he gay???

OK, now something was wrong.  I mean, it was the third date and no kiss?

So that night, I had to see what was up.

I called him and said, “Listen, this may be kind of an awkward subject, but I have to tell you that the next time we see each other, I have to kiss you.”

He replied hesitantly, “Well, you know what I wanted to tell you tonight?  I am seeing someone else and we’ve decided that we’re going to start seeing each other seriously now.  I wanted to tell you but I didn’t know how…”

OMG, I was stunned.  But I handled it well.  I congratulated him and wished him luck.  After all, he had taken me on three great dates.

Unfortunately, this was a rough lesson to take.  But it is so true and it applies to both guys and girls.  Like my favorite matchmaker Patti Stanger said, “If he doesn’t give you Saturday night, he’s not that into you”.

And in this case, not only was he not into me, but he had a girl on the backburer too.

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