A couple of weeks back, I attended a really fun networking event; Cuban Music at the Museum of African Diasphora. How could anything be wrong with that?
Read below…Pasted from my Gmail. Names are changed for obvious reasons.
My comments are in red. Have fun!
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Hi A,
This is P.
It’s been kind of an adventure meeting you – even though we have had only very limited contact.
I think you might be interested in this little tale even if nothing else happens between us. (So far, decent start.)
On one level I know I am flirting with you here and being fun, but on another level I am quite serious.
Here goes.
I have to admit being quite impressed with you upon our meeting at the Cuban music MOAD event. You seemed so familiar and warm, and on top of personifying “my ideal” of a beautiful woman, you displayed an openness and friendliness that I usually only experience in Cuba. (Nice start. Very nice compliments; nothing too sticky). This a rare quality. Most beautiful women are so guarded and coy. Plus (from my point of view) we had serious chemistry, good conversation, and a mutual love for black culture. (LOL, Serious chemistry? Um, he was stuck to me like white on rice at the event! The worst part of it was that he BLOCKED me from meeting cute guys.)
When you asked for my number, it felt kind of special. (HA HA. It’s called NETWORKING. He should have been doing the same.)
For me exchanging numbers with a woman means there is mutual romantic interest. Upon parting you talked about meeting me at another cultural event I was doing on Saturday. Did I read the signals right? On reflection, maybe not. (Good thing he reflected. I probably exchanged numbers with 5 other people that night. It was a cultural/networking event. Romantic interests? What era was he living?)
Back home now. The only thing a little strange about all this was: how come this beautiful, personable, vivacious woman is so into these Meetup.com groups? Aren’t these groups largely for lonely singles to get together ? (Hello, it’s called networking / meeting new people / enjoying new things / living in San Francisco!).
I am going to look for you online. (WHAT?)
Typing (MY NAME) ……boom…… Yourdatingtales.com > DARK TALES FROM THE DATING CRYPT. What do we have here….. Its “Sex in the City” online! What fun ! I think I will read everything.
(OMG, he GOOGLED ME?! Maybe that’s what men do these days, but NOW HE LOOKS LIKE A DESPERATE PSYCHO!)
What I discovered.
1. you are a fantastic writer…. funny, witty, perceptive
2. you are an unabashed dating and relationship maven
3. you are a chemist, a devoted vegetarian and yogini, 31, nine years in SF, originally from NY. (I am originally from NY myself)
4. you experience the dating scene as very bizarre, crazy, and weird, as described in your stories (you date some real winners)
5. you are an “old school” girl who wants to be courted in the best way, by a true gentleman.
6. you have a good idea of what you want in a man: loyal, financially secure, listens, takes charge, calls, has good breath, sexy……
7. we share many values about what is a important between men and women (more later).
(I’m glad he got the values right.)
What I thought after reading all your dark tales.
I’ll start my own blog: Bizarre Tales From Dating “The Dating Maven – (My name)” !!! (this email will be my first post even though we have not officially dated !!! ). (PUHLEEZE. Starting a blog on my posts?)
But seriously I had all these thoughts and doubts: This kinda spoils things between us. It’s like I have read your personal diary. I know so much about what you are expecting from a guy. How can I be truly authentic with you now.
Do I tell you I discovered your blog? (YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE).
Do I really want to date a dating maven? (NO. You’d get CRUSHED).
You must date a lot of guys. (Actually, I don’t. A lot of these are past stories and those from friends. The combination of experiences make for one big diary.)
Just like on “Sex in the City” And finally: will I someday become a post on your blog? (Ummmmm, he’s given me some good material!)
You get the idea……
My next move.
Ditch all the doubts and get with the Dating Crypt Program.
Dating Crypt Rule #1 “When You Get Her Phone Number, You Call”
So on Friday morning I call you at XXX-XX50. I leave a message, basically saying: “Great to meet you, lets get together on Sat., give me a call”. (NEWSFLASH: I never received a message from him. If he had called, he certainly didn’t leave any messages. My rule should have read “When you get her phone number, call her and LEAVE A MESSAGE.)
Saturday morning.
No phone reply from you (also wondering was that the correct phone number I dialed?), so I email and say “Hope to see you at the BayView Opera House”. (I did receive that email later in the day.)
Saturday at BayView Opera House.
The African Festival that I thought was going to be so great is really a sorry scene. Very little public, unorganized, funky. I don’t want to stay. I call you in case you might be coming, but this time I dial XXX-XX50 (on first try the 5 looked like an 
and get your voice message.
I realize the first call never got to you. (OK, I knew I didn’t get a call from him). I don’t leave a message because I know I have seriously blown it on the Dating Crypt Rule #2 “No Plan – No Play”. (That’s RIGHT!)
I wait around at the festival and finally the Cuban Band (that I helped to get this gig) arrives. I hang out listening to them perform for the 10 people in the audience, thinking maybe you might bend her rule today for me…. but as you very well know, no such luck. But really, I am so glad that festival was not our first date. (Date? IF I had shown up, it would NOT have been a date by any means).
Its Sunday…..Now what? (Give UP, that’s what).
All this dating non-action is getting me dazed and confused. It’s time to consult with “my” relationship maven-guru David Deida, to review his advice and take some action.(What world is he living? This isn’t even CLOSE to dating!)
(I am going into serious mode here now.)
Favorite Deida quote: “The feminine is the force of life. The more masculine a man is, the more his woman’s feminine energy will be important to him”(I agree with that).
Deida, in several of his books most notably “The Way of the Superior Man” describes very clearly and poetically a vision of male-female relations that is in tune with my own World view.
“The feminine is like the ocean, flowing with great power and no single direction, ever changing, beautiful, destructive, and the source of life. The masculine is like a ship that unites with the power of the ocean, decides on a coarse and navigates toward a single goal. The same principal applies to problems of intimacy.” You can read more at:
Many of his gems of practical wisdom are chapter titles here:
I am bringing all this up because I think from reading your blog you are saying a lot of the same things Deida is saying: “men take charge, have a plan” “honor her with loyalty and security” “ravish her with love.” I also hear through all your great humor, your real frustration about the dating scene. (OK, he’s gone way overboard with the research. This is ridiculous. All of these research and quotes and he never even had the game to call me).
What I admire about your writing is you are totally on the right track by wanting to return to some of the “old school” rituals of courtship. Deida is the only voice that I have found who is addressing issues like this that makes sense to me. Now rereading his stuff has helped me know how to act right now by deciding to write this letter and letting it all go. (P.S. In real life, I hear Deida is no saint) (Great, I’ll look him up one day.)
Today, I choose to tell you all as a way to introduce myself, flirt, and create something something fun and meaningful out of this experience. (He really should be doing this over dinner.)
Now we have a lot we could talk about, or not. I am curious. Have you had other experiences where men you were dating know or find out about your dating blog? (Nope. Just my friends.)
Do you want your dates to read your blog? (Not the way he did.)
So many questions for the dating maven. (Where is this freaking “Dating maven” title coming from? Everyone goes out, has fun, and I just happen to share stories with people and write about it. Nuff said!)
But for all of us, and I think you would agree, the dating lesson to be learned from all this: Watch out – googleing your prospective dates is tricky business. (Tricky? Nothing tricky about a google search. Doing the desperate search when you don’t even know her, then turning around and telling her about it in some long drawn-out email when you couldn’t even call her on the phone…Now that’s WEIRD).
I now, “Submit My Tale” to you.
Hope hear from you.
P
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Nick’s vote: “Whatever. Ribbed for her pleasure. Inside-out for MY pleasure.”
Chilli V happens to keep a stash full of ALL sizes. Even magnums? Yes, even magnums. There is a small chance! Smart lady.
