Your Dating TalesTALES FROM THE DATING CRYPT…Crazy tales & advice in these crazy times!

OK, ok, ok.  “Never” is a little extreme.  But guys:  If you’re interested in a girl AT ALL, do not attempt to go dutch.  Dutch is reserved for strictly platonic relationships!

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again:  ALLOWING A WOMAN TO PAY FOR HERSELF is the BIGGEST FAUX PAUX in the game!

Let me give you a couple of examples:

I remember a while back, a guy invited me on a date.  He lived in Oakland and wanted to meet me half way (HUGE RED FLAG THERE, but I went along).  Next thing I knew, he wanted me to meet him in the parking lot of Borders. Yes, the book store.

What?

Next thing after that?  Parking at Borders is $1.00, so “Make sure you bring your dollar to park.”  That’s what he told me.

HUH?

I have to admit, once he said that, I had to kick him to the curb.  I wasn’t so tactful about it either; I simply flaked on him.  (NOT THE WAY TO BEHAVE EITHER, LADIES).  That was years ago

Another example:

A guy recently invited me dancing and when we arrived at the door, he only paid for himself.  I should have caught the clue when he asked me to pick him up and drive to the place.

WTF?

I had no idea this was a dutch thing.  Since I had to pay for myself, I wasn’t sticking around him that night.  I danced the night away with the real men who asked me to dance.

Since then, he’s asked me again to go dancing.  I’ve politely declined.

Big lesson here:  Guys, allowing a girl to even dip into her purse sends the STRONG MESSAGE:  “LET’S JUST BE FRIENDS.”

So if that’s what you want, then by all means, go for it

Don't let this happen to you!

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Yes, it’s been some time since my last post…

I was out of town for 2 weeks and that’s all it took!

Why do the wrong guys ALWAYS come back around?  (On the subject of coming back around, Derrick’s post was soooo timely).

Two lame-a** boys of dating past were trying desperately to get in touch with me.

If you want to know who I’m talking about, refer to previous posts:

http://www.yourdatingtales.com/2009/03/29/please-spare-all-the-details-2/

http://www.yourdatingtales.com/2009/03/29/commitment-and-san-francisco-are-like-oil-and-water-2/

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A married man and a serial-online-dating-liar. WTF?

The married guy left two messages on my voice mail wanting to get together for lunch.  He also sent me an email wanting to know “what happened” to me.   First of all, I hadn’t been in touch with that guy since he told me he was married.  I didn’t want anything to do with him after that.  On top of that, he’s weird, not so good looking (think of a brown Humpty-Dumpty), and he’s got kids.  That’s just f-d up that he’s calling me.

The serial-online-dating-liar had the balls to send me a text saying “Hello, who is this?”  Then he turned around and call me right away.  His message was something like,  “Oh hey, I just wanted to say hi and see how you were doing.  Maybe I’ll be in the city sometime…”  Oh please.  Was he trying to set himself up for some nookie?  Well not from me, that’s for sure.  I told him off a LONG time ago so he really must have no self-respect.

Needless to say, I haven’t returned either of their calls.

Do guys have no shame? WHY would a lame-ass guy who has no business even breathing air try to contact me?

Maybe it was just coincidence that I wasn’t around.  Or maybe it was a blessing.

I have to get back to the point I made in the previous post.

Ladies, NEVER EVER EVER let a man pry into your financial situation.

Why?

First off, your financial situation is none of a man’s business unless you’re in a serious long-term relationship.

Second, if he’s asking, that means he probably wants some of it.

Case in point…

I’ve dated a lot of guys who made less money than me.  Not that I ever asked, but their professions usually dictated their income bracket.  And those were the EXACT same guys who attempted to pry into my financial life.

For the most part, the guy would try to “beat around the bush” and allude to my lifestyle, and press on how nice my car and apartment were.  This has happened with (among others):

1.  A guy on a first date.

2.  A guy I had been dating for some time.

3.  An ex boyfriend.

The guy on the first date had the nerve to say “Oh, you’re doing well for yourself.  Girls like you who make a lot of money always act the same way.”  WTF?  Girls like me?  I never told him my income or even indicated a range.  But that guy was a bum and felt like a bum in front of me. So that’s why he chose to put me up on this pedestal and make me feel like a “high maintenance” kind of girl.

The second guy did not have a profession.  He had a regular job at a store that I won’t mention.  But he would always say things to me like “Oh, you should just go ahead and buy this or that…You know you can afford it!”  I always thought of saying “Well, if you were a man and wanted me to have these things, then why don’t you buy them for me?”  This guy was totally insecure.

The third guy was just cheap.  He was actually a professional, but he had the nerve to straight up ask, “How much money do you make”.  And he continued to ask that same question from the time I met him to the time our relationship ended.  I always told him, “I don’t divulge my financial situation unless I’m getting married.”  Come to find out, he was always just cheap and DEFINITELY wanted to take advantage of my money.

LADIES:  If he does this, it’s a sign of insecurity.  It is very likely that he’s also trying to get into your pockets.

I know what you’re thinking and YES, it’s true…I need to start picking new guys

I’m a good catch   Lots of us are.

But I’ve seen and done some things that would never get me a good man!

Ladies, if you want a decent guy, you gotta be a decent girl.

Here are five things NOT to do….

1. Don’t get drunk in front of a guy.

Pretty self explanatory, right?  But why do so many girls get sloppy-wasted in front of a guy?  If you’re on a date and drinks are involved, pace yourself!!!  One, or two drinks MAX.  And if he’s gonna buy you drinks, then he better buy you food too.

See my post:  When It’s time to Go Home, You Got to Get the F*** Out

Nuff Said!

2. Don’t offer to pay.

I’m sorry, but why do girls offer to pay on the first or even second date?  I would never even offer, because what if a guy takes you up on that offer?  It would be a super red flag if he did.  But who cares?  Don’t even go there!

It’s not a woman’s place to pay for dinner or drinks. If you offer and he says “yes”, it’s your fault!

3. Don’t accept a date invitation by text!

OK, when a guy texts “hi, hello…”, that’s fine.  But if he asks you out via text-message, DO NOT ACCEPT!  Yes, times are-a-changin’, but this one is a no-brainer.  I’ve had a handful of guys try to ask me out on a date via text, and I can’t help but think to myself, “Damn, is he too lazy to call me to make plans?”

When a girl accepts a text-message invitation, I think it sends a message to a guy that it’s ok to be lazy.

That’s just my humble opinion

4. Don’t talk about money.

I won’t ever let a guy take me into a conversation about money.  Trust me, so many guys have tried to lead me into that subject, but I back out without hesitation. WHY?  Because how much money a woman makes is NONE of a guy’s business.

I’ll write more on this subject later, but for now, just know that if a guy is prying into your financial life, it’s a TOTAL red flag.

Letting him into your financial situation is like givin up the “goods” too soon, if you know what I mean.

5. Don’t act like a hoe.

How many of us have made this mistake?  I won’t say if I have or not, ha ha! Acting like a hoe entails MANY things.

What’s on the list?  Givin it up on the first date, booty calls, being too easy in general.

If you have self respect, then demand the same from the guy!

This is a short but sweet list of five of things guys have done on dates that have freaked me out…

1. I was out to dinner with a guy who didn’t listen to a word I would say.  Everything I said to him had to be repeated.

At some point, I told him that I was vegetarian.

Later on, wanting to share his food without telling me, he cut off a huge piece of his steak and placed it on my plate.

I was mortified!  (Keep in mind, I haven’t eaten meat for 20 years.)

2. A guy sitting across from me at lunch on a hot summer day paid me this compliment:  “You have beautiful eyes.”

Me:  “Oh, but I’m wearing sunglasses!  You can’t see them.”

Him:  “I can see everything”.

Me thinking:  Weirdo!

3. I was out to dinner with a guy I’d just met, and he was totally boring to me.  After 2 hours, I told him that I had to get home and get some rest.  Our waitress was around somewhere, but we didn’t see her right away.

My date was so eager to fulfill my request that he invaded the restaurant kitchen to look for the waitress.

I was so embarassed that I had to wait for him outside.

4. I met a guy for a drink date in the Castro.  He was definitely hot and a lot of the men passing by were staring.

Finally, some of those men were bold enough to start talking to my date.

And to my total shock, my date flirted back with the guys!!!!!

I think he was really playing for the other team

5. A guy asked me to pay for dinner.

NEVER!

So here is yet another free and easy thing a man can do to impress a girl…

Have a plan when you see her for your date!

Case in point…

A few years back, I met this really good looking guy on a social networking site that I frequent.  After a couple of emails, he gave me a call and we decided to meet up.  Lucky for me, he lived in San Francisco!

He wanted me to meet him outside of his office building downtown.  I thought it was a little weird, but giving him the benefit, I thought, “we’re probably heading to dinner downtown anyway.”

So when I saw him, I was like, “damn, he’s hot!”…even better looking than his pictures.  Tall, hot, nice guy.  I scored.

When I asked him where we were going, he was like “Oh, I don’t know yet.”

WHAT???  You asked me to meet you down here and you didn’t think about where we’d go??

Then he said to me, “Well, don’ t you know of some place?  How long have you lived in San Francisco anyway?”

RIDUCULOUS, right?

We ended up walking around downtown for over 1 hour searching for a place to eat.  It sucked because I was wearing heels!

Unfortunately, we only found a place for drinks and I was starving.

Honestly, he was a nice guy.  Being that he was so tall and good looking was a plus.

But a man without a plan…PRETTY WEAK.

He called me several times and wanted to “take me out” again.  But a guy like that gets NO play from me.

Ladies, if he invites you out, remember…A REAL MAN MAKES A PLAN!

So Ladies,

Have you ever been with a guy who …

a.  Was inexperienced?

b.  Was never with someone as hot as you?

c.  Had a problem not being able to control himself at the finish line?

This story pics up where “Once a ____, Always a _____” left off.  Check it out….

On the last night of my stay, the friend eventually left for good and I was finally alone with Jason.  Once again, being alone with him, I could tell he was somewhat nervous.  But we got around to fooling around, and of course, things started to get hot and heavy.

By this time, I could see that Jason was so hot he was sweating and he really wanted to take things further.

And so we decided to go there.

We were making out and getting all touchy feely.  He was totally into it.

Here’s where his geeky side came into play again…

Before we could even start, he yelled out “Wait, I don’t want to do this anymore”.

WTF????

I replied, “What’s wrong?”

He said, “I don’t know…I feel like I’ve pressured you or something.”

I replied, “Well, I’m a big girl so don’t worry about me.”

He said, “Ok, well I don’t want to do anything else because…”

At that point, I just said, “Ok, forget it then.”

Then he started coming up with all kinds of excuses.

Here’s what I am sure was the truth…He got too excited to fast and he came in his underwear. He didn’t know what to do about it, so he had to make up these stupid excuses.  It all worked out for the best anyway because he probably didn’t know what to do in the bedroom department.

I should have ditched him the second his friend showed up at the door.  Needless to say, I never spoke to him after that trip.  Can you believe, he never even called me?  I’m sure he felt like an idiot.

So there was this guy that I dated years ago when I was in school.

He was an a-hole, straight up.  He would ask me to drive him around, help him with his homework, basically be his mom.  Well one day he asked me to purchase a pair of jeans for him, and he swore up and down he would pay me back.

Ladies, HELLOOOO!!!!  If a guy EVER asks you for money, you better run like the plague.

Well, I didn’t do that.  My naive and silly self actually believed that he would pay me back.  Weeks later, after I realized I wasn’t gonna get the money, I should have said “good riddance” and never spoke to him again.

But I wanted to seek revenge.

So what did I do?….

I went into the chemistry lab and grabbed one of the bottles of acid with intentions of pouring it on his car.

But the universe was striking me down…

I couldn’t find his car!  On top of that, I drove around in my car to try to find his car, and I stupidly set the bottle on the passenger side floor of my car.  What do you think happened????  The worst….The bottle of acid toppled over and burned through the carpet of the floor in my car!

Man, karma’s really a b-word!  My bad intentions turned right back on me.

Guys and girls…I took this one for the team.  If you even think of seeking revenge, think twice!

The moral of the coming story is to KNOW who you’re getting involved with. Call a spade a spade, if you know what I’m sayin!!!

So I met this guy who was visiting San Francisco for a science conference…

Actually, the way I met him went like this: I’m a member of a travel website, and I post blogs of my travels when I’m gone. A guy on the website, let’s call him Thomas, happened to contact me to say he would be in town for the conference. He was hoping a local could show him the hot spots in SF. Sounded good to me since that’s what I use the site for when I’m in other cities.

When I went out to meet up with Thomas, he was with his friend Jason, who was also attending the conference. We all hung out and got along perfectly, but Jason and I really got along well.

Now keep in mind, these guys were geeks. Jason was a rocket scientist (really!); not much experience in the “real world”, and definitely not much experience in the dating department. But he had just enough of a personality to keep my attention.

After they left town, Jason and I kept in pretty close contact…e-mails and phone calls on a regular basis.

Finally, he mentioned that he wanted to come back to SF for a long weekend. I was fine with him staying with me. But when he came out, he seemed kind of awkward without his friend. He just wasn’t the same guy; more quiet, more reserved, always walked in back of me when we walked down the street. It was like, all of a sudden, he was a little kid.

(I wish someone could have handed me that freaking clue!)

During the course of the weekend, nothing really happened in the bedroom department…nevertheless, the weekend went well.

After a couple months of keeping in touch, Jason invited me out to visit him in his city. Apparently, he really wanted to impress me because he told me not to worry, he would put us up in a hotel. Sounded fantastic!

I arrived at the hotel, which was pretty posh, and met up with Jason in the lobby. We got up to the room and there were two beds….I thought to myself, “Awww, what a gentleman…he arranged two beds because he wanted to make me comfortable!”

We were chillin for a couple of hours then there was a knock on the door.

WHO WAS IT?…….

Thomas!

Remember the original friend that contact me from the travel website? The three of hung out in San Francisco together?

And what did Thomas have with him??

Luggage!

WTF?????!!!!!!!

I had no freaking clue what was going on at this point.

At the door, they played it off like Thomas was in the city running some errands, and he needed a place to stay for the weekend.

I was f**ing floored!

What had really happened was that Jason, being the unsocialized geek that he was, knew he would be awkward without his friend, so he invited Thomas to come stay with us.

I asked Jason, “What the f*** is going on with the bed situation?”

As it turned out, Thomas wanted his own bed!

I immediately went downstairs to cool off and ask the hotel what their rates were. Unfortunately, being a posh type place, their rates were too unreasonable for me.

After I cooled off, I decided, ok, I’m just gonna make the best of this situation. So I lightened up my attitute a bit and just rolled with the punches. What did that mean???? That means that I slept in one bed one Jason, while Thomas slept in his bed.

Pretty pathetic, huh?

It doesn’t end there, but I’ll continue the rest of the story later.

Let’s leave it on this note for now….

Like I said, call a spade a spade! If he’s a geek, he’s a geek. I should have expected nothing more than geeky behavior!