Your Dating TalesTALES FROM THE DATING CRYPT…Crazy tales & advice in these crazy times!

Our good friend, J.C (one of my Blogulocity faves), recently had a weird experience with some chick that walked out on him on a date.   After that, he confronted her online.  What funny lies he caught; she must have felt moded!  This post was generously donated (thanks J.C!)

JC:  Where’d you find this chick?

Now can someone please tell me, what does PWNED mean?

Enjoy!

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For Single in SF City

Dating girls is dangerous business. Inevitably, a few dates will end in grief. Interestingly enough, you can see the stages of grief, usually in retrospect.

Case in point? I once had a girl go on a date with me, only to leave in the middle of the date to go out with another guy. She asked me to wait for her at the restaurant and then never came back.

I should have been done then, but I still wanted to bang her (guy mentality), so when she called the next day to explain why she flaked, I didn’t immediately hang up on her.  I was one the wiser: I didn’t believe a word she said and wanted to remain a gentleman and champion of good etiquette so I let her talk.

The entire time she was telling me she made a huge mistake, that she didn’t want to be with this guy she flaked on me to get with, named Gary. She also said she was really into me.  So I didn’t really pat too much attention to her flattery and decided I’d “play” along once in a while just for shits and giggles, hoping to get a hate fuck out it.

I knew she was still in a relationship with him because even though she hid her relationship status. She wasn’t too tech savvy, though.  If you clicked on his profile, it showed he was still in a relationship status with her.  So I decided to have some fun and call her out on it and follow her through the stages of grief (anger, denial, bargaining, depression, acceptance). Here is the result:

(PROP YOUR FEET UP FOR THIS LONG DIALOGUE)

[13:20] Me: you’re still going out with Gary
[13:20] Me: Wtf hahaha
[13:20] Girl: no I’m not!—First lie — anger
[13:20] Me: yeah you are
[13:20] Girl: no I’m not! — Second lie — anger
[13:20] Me: it says so on his relationship status
[13:21] Girl: NO IT DOESN’T! —Third lie – anger
[13:21] Girl: SHUT UP
[13:21] Girl: it can’t say its with me cuz then it would be on my page! — not too proficient with facebook privacy settings and now trying to cover up – Pretending to be really angry
[13:23] Me: yeah k
[13:24] Girl: Im not with him! — fourth lie – denial
[13:24] Girl: what the fuck! — fake anger – denial
[13:24] Me: you’re a jerk.
[13:24] Me: how am I supposed to believe you?
[13:24] Me: u know how to change you’re relationship status in facebook
[13:25] Girl: IM NOT LYING TO YOU DO YOU WANT ME TO FORWARD YOU OYOU’RE TXTSHIT – HE HATES ME! — hahahaah more fake anger and denial
[13:26] Me: why would it show that you’re in a relationship with him then?
[13:26] Me: hmmm?
[13:26] Me: why would u only hide you’re relationship status instead of changing it to like, nothing or single?
[13:26] Me: i think you’ve done this a bunch of times, you’d know how to do this.

Me: sends screenshot

[13:26] Girl: are you kidding me?—realization of pwnage
[13:26] Girl: oh my god—- pwned
[13:27] Girl: this is not happening — ultimate denial
[13:27] Girl: this is bullshit his ass doesn’t give a shit about me! — now caught, trying to cover up that she lied. This is the first sign that she’s still in a relationship with Gary.
[13:27] Me: Hhahahaha omg, this is so much funny. Girl, you’re a smart kid, u know what you’re doing
[13:27] Girl: how dare you — muahahahahahaha denial!
[13:28] Me: hahahahaha how dare I what?
[13:28] Me: You’re the one who lied about yoyou’re relationship status
[13:28] Me: Facebook FTMFW! YAY! hahaha
[13:28] Girl: I’m not a liar— O RLY?
[13:28] Me: You know what’s funny? I am logging this conversation and will put this up on some website
[13:28] Me: that would be epic — revenge is SWEET
[13:29] Girl: why would you do that to me — bargaining
[13:29] Me: why would u tell me you broke up and simply “hide” you’re relationship status on Facebook? But when I look at his profile, it says he’s in a relationship with you?
[13:30] Me: I really doubt that u wouldn’t know how to change it to single or no relationship
[13:30] Girl: we are still talking but he doesn’t want to see me —bargaining/depression, finally admitting the truth
[13:30] Girl: he just wants to yell to me — depression
[13:30] Me: so u guys ARE in a relationship yet u tell me all this sweet stuff
[13:30] Girl: i don’t know — you mean you don’ t how to act that you’ve been confronted in a lie?
[13:30] Me: you’re fucked up Girl.
[13:30] Girl: I don;t think we are — how can you not think you’re in a relationship at this point? More cover up.
[13:30] Girl: We don’t do anything together — oh, like you’re supposed to build an Egyptian Pyramid together?
[13:30] Girl: we haven’t hung out—- depression
[13:31] Girl: or seen each other — lied again – depression
[13:31] Me: oh, since cafe club rite, which was 2 weeks ago? —more pwnage
[13:34] Me: you’re either in a relationship or you’re not, but don’t talk to me about how me and you are supposed to be get to know one another better if you ARE in a relationship. Because to me to me, you’re just emotionally cheating
[13:34] Girl: i don’t know what i am to be perfectly honest and how juvenile that might sound — Muahahahaha – bargaining. Damn right it sounds immature. Just blame ignorance.
[13:34] Me: and guess what? That’s the same as being a cheater
[13:35] Girl: No I’m already know I’m a failure —acceptance
[13:47] Girl: i don’t know what to say -i have obviously have a biased opinion – I tend to stick in relationships just so I won’t be alone? That’s stupid – but I do care about you and I apologize for not teling you everything— acceptance, finally, an apology
[13:48] Girl: I just figured Gary and I were over but I didn’t know – right now I don’t know – he just yells at me a lot and i take it. You’re right tho – it should be in a relationship or not and I can’t make that final decision or cut it off—acceptance
[14:24] Me: my god hahahahahahahahahahahahaha Dude, this conversation is so epic because it was so funny! –finally, some revenge
[14:57] Me: so why are you so bad that people call you Ms. fail cat daily? — she said she gets called fail everyday
[14:58] Girl: because I have no balls –no shit, you’re a woman. Otherwise, I would have dated my first tranny. Sweet!
[14:58] Girl: because I can’t forgive and i don’t forget and I need to move on and I can’t— oh , now all about her… Victim’s complex start! Realization that she’s a fail at being a slut? Priceless!
[14:58] Girl: or really I don’t know if I can emotionally do it. I know half the shit I do is my fault. I don’t like to face that. I don’t think I have a future so I just play at the moment and not look at the future —PITY ME!
[15:05] Girl: i know i won’t get married and I know that I’ll be alone but I really doubt even if I do get married that I’ll be happy — trying to get more pity
[15:06] Girl: I’m done with all this shit and yeah so I’m a depressed fool oh well – I had a lot of shit done to me to make me this way — it’s all about ME!!!!! YAY!

At this point I should have stopped talking to her, but I was laughing so hard, I couldn’t believe what I was hearing…But i was having too much fun, so:

[15:09] Girl: I think if people knew what really went inside my head they would trip out. I know that I’m a good person but I make horribly bad decisions —Are you saying you’re AWESOME?! Keep telling yourself that…
[15:10] Me: I doubt anybody would trip out, really. Most people don’t want to hear it. You know why?
[15:10] Me: Because they dealt with it and rose above it—TRUTH

/Begin epic OMG CALL THE WAHHHHBULANCE

[15:15] Girl: I hate that my parents won’t speak to me because I left an abusive guy and they think I’m an ultimate failure – I have 6 vm’s on my phone from this weekend reminding me of what would be my 1 year anniversary with him and how I could have a good life. And look at me now — she was engaged to a guy and broke it off, citing that he was mean to her.
[15:15] Girl: I hate that I can’t stand up for myself with shitty guys and I use other people to fill that void. I need that attention — Self Actualization! Wow!
[15:15] Girl: I wish I could just tell people to suck it and I wish I could pick the right person for me. You know in my head I have this fucked up thinking that I’m pretty so why can’t I find a guy — new flash… more ownage about to begin.

/End epic OMG CALL The WAHHHHBULANCE

[15:23] Me: Because it’s not about being only pretty at your age. That might have worked when you were like 18-22, maybe even 25
[15:23] Me: you’re almost 30— Damn. Pwned

[15:52] Girl: OMG
[15:52] Girl: MY MOM JUST SHOWED UP AT WORK

She then signs off. Once I asked her why she couldn’t hang out and immediately she said “OMG my sister just tried to kill herself! OMG My friend tried to kill herself! OMG OMG OMG” I thought it was very dramatic.

Moral of the story: teach your friends how to use privacy settings.

OMG I have to go! My cat just gave birth to 80 chickens and now sharks with lasers are attacking me! PEW PEW PEW! ^_^