Your Dating TalesTALES FROM THE DATING CRYPT…Crazy tales & advice in these crazy times!

This is a short but sweet list of five of things guys have done on dates that have freaked me out…

1. I was out to dinner with a guy who didn’t listen to a word I would say.  Everything I said to him had to be repeated.

At some point, I told him that I was vegetarian.

Later on, wanting to share his food without telling me, he cut off a huge piece of his steak and placed it on my plate.

I was mortified!  (Keep in mind, I haven’t eaten meat for 20 years.)

2. A guy sitting across from me at lunch on a hot summer day paid me this compliment:  “You have beautiful eyes.”

Me:  “Oh, but I’m wearing sunglasses!  You can’t see them.”

Him:  “I can see everything”.

Me thinking:  Weirdo!

3. I was out to dinner with a guy I’d just met, and he was totally boring to me.  After 2 hours, I told him that I had to get home and get some rest.  Our waitress was around somewhere, but we didn’t see her right away.

My date was so eager to fulfill my request that he invaded the restaurant kitchen to look for the waitress.

I was so embarassed that I had to wait for him outside.

4. I met a guy for a drink date in the Castro.  He was definitely hot and a lot of the men passing by were staring.

Finally, some of those men were bold enough to start talking to my date.

And to my total shock, my date flirted back with the guys!!!!!

I think he was really playing for the other team

5. A guy asked me to pay for dinner.

NEVER!

So here is yet another free and easy thing a man can do to impress a girl…

Have a plan when you see her for your date!

Case in point…

A few years back, I met this really good looking guy on a social networking site that I frequent.  After a couple of emails, he gave me a call and we decided to meet up.  Lucky for me, he lived in San Francisco!

He wanted me to meet him outside of his office building downtown.  I thought it was a little weird, but giving him the benefit, I thought, “we’re probably heading to dinner downtown anyway.”

So when I saw him, I was like, “damn, he’s hot!”…even better looking than his pictures.  Tall, hot, nice guy.  I scored.

When I asked him where we were going, he was like “Oh, I don’t know yet.”

WHAT???  You asked me to meet you down here and you didn’t think about where we’d go??

Then he said to me, “Well, don’ t you know of some place?  How long have you lived in San Francisco anyway?”

RIDUCULOUS, right?

We ended up walking around downtown for over 1 hour searching for a place to eat.  It sucked because I was wearing heels!

Unfortunately, we only found a place for drinks and I was starving.

Honestly, he was a nice guy.  Being that he was so tall and good looking was a plus.

But a man without a plan…PRETTY WEAK.

He called me several times and wanted to “take me out” again.  But a guy like that gets NO play from me.

Ladies, if he invites you out, remember…A REAL MAN MAKES A PLAN!

By Guestblogger Simone Grant

Simone Grant is a writer who lives in NYC. She blogs daily at Sex, Lies and Dating in the City.

I’m not, nor have I ever been, one of those girls who talks about sex with her friends.  If something, um, unpleasant happens with a guy or someone turns out to be less than what I would’ve hoped for in the sack, that’s not info I’d share in graphic detail with anyone.  Nor have I ever heard anyone else’s horror stories.  It’s just not my style.

Well, according to this website, I’ve had pretty good luck all of these years and should be sending out thankyou cards to all of my exes for not being douchebags. Well, to most of my exes.

Anyway, after reading a few dozen of these pitiful submissions I started to think back and wonder – Do I have anything to compare?

Here they are, in no particular order, my own “Sorry Mom” list:

· I’d gone out with this guy a couple times and thought I might REALLY like him.  He seemed nice and thoughtful (which was strange because he was a lawyer and I don’t think of lawyers as nice and thoughtful, in fact I usually avoid them altogether) and as an added bonus he was a great kisser.  And then we had sex.  It took him approx 15 seconds.  He actually said, “I’m sorry, I’m done,” in this little adolescent voice that came out of nowhere.  There was no second act.  Of course I never saw him again.  I can forgive a lot of things, but I can’t forgive bad in bed.

· I was young but not naive.  He was a little bit older.  I was young enough that the 8 or whatever years felt like a lot because I was still a college student and he was a real grown up.  He considered himself a good Catholic and there was a giant crucifix over his bed. Every time we had sex he would say he was going to “give me a baby” right as he came (yes, we were using protection).  He was going to be away for a week.  Right before he left he arranged for me to meet a good friend of his.  He went out of his way to hint/suggest that his good friend keep me company while he was away.  Um, no, I didn’t see him again after that.

· Handsome guy, though older than he said he was online (either that or not aging well).  He was sweet enough and we had fun on our first date. We ended up at my place after a hot makeout session on the sidewalk outside the place we went to on our second date.  Everything seemed fine when we first walked in, we were kissing on my sofa.  Then I paused and said I needed to use the bathroom.  He said, “Can I watch?”  He was not joking.  I wish I could say that I threw him out at that point, but I didn’t.  I was horny and up til that moment everything was good.  I went, with the door firmly shut, and then we eventually ended up naked in the bedroom.  It was not good.  I wish I could say it was quick and not good, but it wasn’t.  It was one of those grin and bear it sessions.  He was from the old jackhammer school.  On the bright side, he didn’t try to stay the night so I got to take a nice, hot bath afterwards.

A version of this article was posted on my blog, Sex, Lies and Dating in the City on February 8, 2009.

It’s a rough lesson but it’s true!

Ever dated a guy that didn’t place you in the primetime slot?…

Ever thought about why????

It’s a lesson that goes way back…

About five years ago, I’d met this doctor through an online dating service.  After we’d done the whole e-mailing bit, he’d called me to set up dinner for Thursday night.  Off to a good start

The night we met up for dinner was fabulous.  We were getting along great.  He even paid me a follow-up call the next day to make plans for the next weekend.   Those plans ended up being a movie on a Friday night.  By that point, I totally thought I’d scored!  A doctor?  Friday night?  WHOOP WHOOP!

The Friday night date was fun, but after that date, he never tried to put any moves on me.  No kiss, nothing.  I couldn’t help but wonder why he was holding back because we seemed to be getting along so well.

But oK, fine.  Friday night date….I was moving up the ladder.

The next time he’d asked me out was for a Sunday afternoon semi-formal jazz concert in the city.  I remember thinking…”Wow, he’s asking me out to a more formal event…I’m totally in with this guy”.

Once again, we had a lovely time on the date.

Afterwards, he ended the night with a hug.  WTF?  Was he gay???

OK, now something was wrong.  I mean, it was the third date and no kiss?

So that night, I had to see what was up.

I called him and said, “Listen, this may be kind of an awkward subject, but I have to tell you that the next time we see each other, I have to kiss you.”

He replied hesitantly, “Well, you know what I wanted to tell you tonight?  I am seeing someone else and we’ve decided that we’re going to start seeing each other seriously now.  I wanted to tell you but I didn’t know how…”

OMG, I was stunned.  But I handled it well.  I congratulated him and wished him luck.  After all, he had taken me on three great dates.

Unfortunately, this was a rough lesson to take.  But it is so true and it applies to both guys and girls.  Like my favorite matchmaker Patti Stanger said, “If he doesn’t give you Saturday night, he’s not that into you”.

And in this case, not only was he not into me, but he had a girl on the backburer too.

So Ladies,

Have you ever been with a guy who …

a.  Was inexperienced?

b.  Was never with someone as hot as you?

c.  Had a problem not being able to control himself at the finish line?

This story pics up where “Once a ____, Always a _____” left off.  Check it out….

On the last night of my stay, the friend eventually left for good and I was finally alone with Jason.  Once again, being alone with him, I could tell he was somewhat nervous.  But we got around to fooling around, and of course, things started to get hot and heavy.

By this time, I could see that Jason was so hot he was sweating and he really wanted to take things further.

And so we decided to go there.

We were making out and getting all touchy feely.  He was totally into it.

Here’s where his geeky side came into play again…

Before we could even start, he yelled out “Wait, I don’t want to do this anymore”.

WTF????

I replied, “What’s wrong?”

He said, “I don’t know…I feel like I’ve pressured you or something.”

I replied, “Well, I’m a big girl so don’t worry about me.”

He said, “Ok, well I don’t want to do anything else because…”

At that point, I just said, “Ok, forget it then.”

Then he started coming up with all kinds of excuses.

Here’s what I am sure was the truth…He got too excited to fast and he came in his underwear. He didn’t know what to do about it, so he had to make up these stupid excuses.  It all worked out for the best anyway because he probably didn’t know what to do in the bedroom department.

I should have ditched him the second his friend showed up at the door.  Needless to say, I never spoke to him after that trip.  Can you believe, he never even called me?  I’m sure he felt like an idiot.

This is a quickie tip for both guys and girls…

I’d met a guy several weeks ago who was totally cool.  We got along just fab and I even sensed a little chemistry, ooooh! We had a fantastic date; conversation was flowing, he paid for the meal without hesitation, and he even walked me home.

Low and behold, I was correctomundo on the chemistry because he attempted a kiss at the end of the night.

To my total displeasure, his attempt was a freaking disaster!

Why?  You might ask…

His breath smelled like a TOILET!  A toilet full of cigarettes and a bunch of other nasty sh**.

Normally, my sense of smell is right on.  But for some reason, I couldn’t detect the repugnancy of his breath while I was talking to him.

Seriously, it was such a shame.

I just had to turn my head.  And that was the end of the night, and unfortunately, the last time I wanted to see him.

Such sadness I feel when I think that a cool guy completely ruined his chances and his reputation with foul hygiene.

This is an easy and free tip for everyone!  Wash your freaking mouth out because you never know where or when you might have to use it.

This goes way back, but it’s a crazy story so I must tell…

Way back in school there was this guy who had taken a very obvious interest in me.  I really can’t remember how we’d met, but every time I saw him, he’d always make a point to talk to me about some thing or another.  The problem was that this guy was weird.  I mean, socially awkward weird.

But me and my cordial self thought that it wouldn’t be very nice to ignore him.  I mean he may have been weird, but I was certain that he was harmless.

As we came to talk more and more, we finally got to the the point where we became “friends”.  I put that in quotations because looking back, he was never my friend.  But we were friendly enough that we spoke on the phone at times.

About a year later, I moved to New York.  Although I made no effort to keep in touch with him, he made a point to keep in touch with me.  At some point, he had asked for my address.  I figured he wanted to send me a letter or something (this was way before e-mail became popular, by the way). 

So I gave it to him.

After I recited my address, he responded, “I’m gonna come visit you in New York, ok?”.  I innocently said, “ok”.

Now, when someone says they’re gonna come visit, I usually take it in a rhetorical way.  Like, they’re just putting it out there, right?  Well that’s what I thought.  And in any case, someone who is really planning to visit usually makes an effort to coordinate their schedule with mine and make sure everything is ok before they arrive.

Low and behold, a couple weeks later, my doorbell was ringing.  I looked out the front window and who was it?  None other than weirdo himself!

And you know what was even worse????

He came by car.

Yep, that’s right.  He DROVE all the way from California to New York.

Do I even have to say it?….PSYCHO!

What did I do?

Ignore his crazy ass.

There was no way I was gonna let him in.  He didn’t clear his visit with me in any way, shape, or form.  He didn’t let me know he was coming, so he damn sure wasn’t getting in my front door!

I really don’t know what the lesson is here.

Just don’t share your personal information with people, especially someone you’re not really close with–Give him your email address and be done with it.

There’s more to this story, trust me.  I’ll stop there and continue later…

So there was this guy that I dated years ago when I was in school.

He was an a-hole, straight up.  He would ask me to drive him around, help him with his homework, basically be his mom.  Well one day he asked me to purchase a pair of jeans for him, and he swore up and down he would pay me back.

Ladies, HELLOOOO!!!!  If a guy EVER asks you for money, you better run like the plague.

Well, I didn’t do that.  My naive and silly self actually believed that he would pay me back.  Weeks later, after I realized I wasn’t gonna get the money, I should have said “good riddance” and never spoke to him again.

But I wanted to seek revenge.

So what did I do?….

I went into the chemistry lab and grabbed one of the bottles of acid with intentions of pouring it on his car.

But the universe was striking me down…

I couldn’t find his car!  On top of that, I drove around in my car to try to find his car, and I stupidly set the bottle on the passenger side floor of my car.  What do you think happened????  The worst….The bottle of acid toppled over and burned through the carpet of the floor in my car!

Man, karma’s really a b-word!  My bad intentions turned right back on me.

Guys and girls…I took this one for the team.  If you even think of seeking revenge, think twice!

Hey Everyone!

We’re moved!

www.yourdatingtales.com

Still working it out, but it will be a ton of fun, I promise! You’ll be able to create your own profiles, submit your tales, and have fun reading everyone else’s!

It’d be much appreciated if you could become a follower and start leaving comments over here.

Until the next date…
Ang

Hi Everyone….

This site will soon be improved to a more INTERACTIVE version!

Soon, you will be able to post your crazy dating stories and offer your personal lessons and advice.

Until then, spread the word!

Become a follower, leave comments, and start to reminisce of those fabulous dating tales!

Stay tuned…
Ang